May is mental health awareness month and I’ve been waiting to talk about all the ways mental health should be treated with just as much care as we do our bodies. I’ve talked about my mental health frequently on the blog and my Instagram before; from therapy, to self reflection, and tracking my personal growth, it’s a journey I’ve loved being able to navigate through social media. But in the same way I’ve expressed how taking social media breaks is probably the best way to keep your mental health in check–especially now with increased social media use and for what it’s used for. So at the moment my Instagram is a little ghost but with summer just around the corner I want to remind you guys to grant yourselves grace. We’ve been working, going to school, and surviving through a pandemic. Mental health has been at an all time fluctuating scale and some days might be even harder now than they ever were before. And that’s okay. The important thing to know is that you matter, above all else. Rest your mind, your heart and your soul and everything else will fall into place.
Now without further ado, let’s talk about these damn songs! Now I love Pentatonix. I’ve been following them since they first came out with their Christmas album in 2015 and I immediately fell in love. Now it’s been awhile since I’ve kept up with any of their albums but I heard two songs and just knew these were perfect to lead this conversation. If you don’t know about Pentatonix, they’re an pop acapella group of five and they’re phenomenal. They started out doing covers and medleys and two of the members even have their own group called Superfruit that I totally recommend checking out. Anyways, their second original album “The Lucky Ones” released in February and since I’m late to everything, here we are. Now I can rant and rave. I’m only going to talk about a few songs from the album but the tracks I am going to analyze relate particularly to the ways I’ve chosen to interpret them. But of course, music is supposed to relate to those in the ways it relates...to you. So maybe I’m completely off with the way I’ve chosen to listen to their lyrics but then again, maybe I’m not and these songs can help you clear your head when you need someone to speak to you about your mental health. Coffee in Bed. How could I start this list without looking at this song first? During rough mental health days, sometimes all we need is for someone to check in on us. Maybe a simple text letting someone know that you’re thinking of them, maybe asking someone how they’re doing–how you're really doing?– or maybe you just need to call and sit in silence to keep each other company. It’s the little things that count and this song really highlights that. From the perspective of a romantic relationship, I’m sure, this song says, “I know I'm gonna hold on to; When you get too in your head; I'll bring you coffee in bed.” Bye. How can I not be in love? It’s blatant mention of anxiety in the first line was something that really resonated with me and it made me think that all relationships–romantic or not–really should focus on trying to make sure your partner feels okay, even if it’s through the smallest thing. It shows that you care. Love Me When I Don’t. Of course, nothing like a little self doubt and insecurity. We all have them, we manage, but sometimes it can get a little out of control. It’s good to maintain negative thoughts for yourself, but it’s also nice to know that you have someone in your corner to pull you back when you start being a little too hard on yourself. Whether it’s your mom, your best friend, your pet, or your therapist, moral support is always important. The pandemic has made us feel so isolated and it can be hard to feel like you have anyone in your corner, especially when you can’t always see or be near them. However, this song really talks about what it’s like to have someone remind you not only are they there for you, but that you’re stronger than you think. And we’re all always stronger than we think. Granting ourselves grace always makes this process a little easier but a good support system is nice to have when your mind can be a little hard to leave. Support groups or group activities online or in-person can also help with this too. It doesn’t always have to be someone you know but social interaction is vital for mental health stability. Just know when it’s your time to reach out and when you need to self reflect. They are Lucky Ones. As the culmination of the album, and the song that holds the most meaning for the band themself, I thought this was the perfect song to use to talk about growth. I talked earlier about growth not being linear and when we’re learning how to live and live with our realities, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. However, we always have to give ourselves the chance to look back and see how far we’ve come and give ourselves praise for all the hard work we’ve put into getting us this far. As for the baby steps that feel like it’s not getting us anywhere, it's not until we finally turn back and see that we went further than we thought just because we kept going. I loved how this song talked about that. The beginning of the song starts out portraying thoughts of running away, avoiding problems, and the survival skills we used to make you feel like you need to tuck and hide into yourself. But the you come out the other end and realize “oh.” It’s all easier at the end of the tunnel, we just have to get there first. Honorable mentions: Of course I can never stop at my optimal number. (I swear, if ya’ll ever have the honor to hear me talk in person…) *Be My Eyes– “I can get caught up on little things and missteps; You would build a ground beneath my feet; When I get lost, I'm out of my mind, too in my head; You're the camera to focus me.” It’s giving "Coffee in Bed" vibes. *Never Gonna Cry Again– I just love the way this song talks about the pressure to change yourself into someone you think you’re supposed to be because society or the internet or your family tells you “this” is who you're supposed to be. And this steady conflict of “who’s right?” is one I imagine we all can relate to at various points in our lives. *A Little Space–And we love a song that establishes boundaries, even between romantic partners. When things are moving too fast and you feel overwhelmed, communicating that you need a little space before things turn ugly? I can appreciate that. Even if in the end, it leads to heartache, at least I knew I established who I am from the beginning. I think the beauty about hearing an album that’s done by a group that has such a creative writing process as this one, is that we get to hear so many different voices and perspectives within the album. No two songs sound the same or even talk about the same thing. In an interview Kevin Olusola talks about how this album is a culmination of the five years the group spent together and I’m excited to finally hear how that’s evolved and grown into this–something beautiful, modern, and heartfelt–despite the years and changes they’ve been through. If you guys want to hear any more of my album analysis’, make sure to follow me on StudyBreaks website to read more. I have an article on Julia Michaels’ album “Not in Chronological Order” coming out soon so stay tuned! And remember, “your illness doesn't define you, your strength and courage does.” You're doing a great job where you are. Keep going. I'm proud of you. ❤️ Always with love, Arianna
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1/30/2021 0 Comments Let's talk about therapy baby!Welcome back to INTUITIVE MINDS NYC where we’re finally FINALLY talking about the things this title pertains to. So I can’t wait to get into this list of tips with you but know that I only speak from personal experience. Nor am I encouraging or attempting to discourage anyone to try it if they don’t feel it's right for them or not within their means to seek it out. Though I will say, if it can be an option for you, it worked well for me and it might be worth looking into if you’re interested. So stay tuned for tips, stories and opinions as you follow through another part of my mental health journey. *hand smiling emoji* My ExperienceLooking back at the year that was 2020I'm not surprised that my mental health took a certain nosedive because there was so much shit going on. But to everyone who struggled and made it through, I’m so proud of you--of us--because we literally were put to the test and made it out alive. And for everyone still struggling with their mental health I’m sorry and I’m here for you and this community is here for you and supports you through your journey. But I think the one thing I had to learn starting January, peaking in March and breaking down in July, was that mental health is and always will be a journey. Anxiety and depression are things I’m probably going to live with for the rest of my life and all the time things aren’t going to be happy. All the time things also aren’t going to be complete shit and when things do hit the fan that doesn’t mean that I’ve failed, it just means that I'm going through a particularly hard time in life. And that happens, to everyone. I needed to learn how not to define myself by my mental health struggles and the illness itself as who I am. I am not an anxious person, I am simply someone who suffers from anxiety from time to time. Nor does that excuse poor behavior when it comes to taking care of myself and the ways I needed to learn how to exist in the world again. But I think I'm getting ahead of myself here. What I mainly learned was that I can’t do everything on my own. I needed help, so before I even reached out to a therapist, I reached out to a friend of mine who really helped me through such a hard time. (I love you Andre! *kisses*) More than anything, you need to identify yourself with a support system. Someone you can turn to and talk to and just cry and vent to. Or someone who can just be there if all you feel is nothing in the moment. So after reaching out to him and a few other close friends of mine, I was directed to a list of resources that I’ll share with you guys down below. It listed options for therapy sites as well as Instagram accounts that allowed me to feel better about my feed--as well as hotlines to help coax you down if you don’t feel as if you have the support system in your personal life to talk to about these things. zencare.coThe resource list listed Zencare.co as the online therapy site where I could vet therapists according to location, insurance and finances. Though I know there are other places such as Betterhelp that offer similar resources in terms of searching for help (though I think Betterhelp is a little more expensive). Many people were doing discounted rates during the time of March and July which is when I was referred to them so I ended up paying out of pocket for someone near my location and started the princess for interviewing. The one thing that made me go with Zencare instead of Betterhelp is that they pair you with a therapist based off of a series of questions that you answer. They still ask for your preferences and the type of care you think you might need but you don’t decide in the end who you’re paired with. Granted, you can switch therapists as often as you want but that was a process I didn’t want to go through at the time. I personally thought Zencare gave me more freedom. interviewingI think the one thing I had to learn was that vetting a therapist is just like anything. You want someone who can give you the best care, that can tailor most specifically to your needs and simply put, you can connect with. It’s like orientation day where you’re introducing yourself and making all of these connections but only a few of them become your friends. And in a way you want your therapist to be someone you can talk with and feel comfortable sharing your issues with. Now I know there is the stigma for mental health for POC who frequently feel their needs being misheard or misunderstood because there are rarely people that look like us in these fields. I will say that I did end up looking for someone who looked like me but it also depends on your level of comfortability on whether or not you can speak with a white woman about your black upbringing. There’s a difference and there will always be a level of uncertainty about how honest you can truly be with this person. Though, both of these sites give you the option to tailor your therapist to your needs and if you can’t find someone you’re comfortable with, then you keep trying until you do. It can be a draining process but it’s necessary. I went through a few phone interviews before settling on my person. And I became used to some of the questions that were being asked and began to expect what would be expected of me in therapy and what I should look for when I was speaking with this person. 1. Do the questions and answers flow? (Does it feel natural to talk and hold a conversation with them? Awkward pauses are natural, especially if you’re nervous but is the therapist able to engage you and keep you talking? Do you feel like they truly understand what you’re talking about when you speak to them?) 2. What are you coming to therapy for? 3. What are experiencing--feelings, physical sensations 4. What do you hope to accomplish in therapy--personal goals, mental goals: ex. ways to manage, solution to problems 5. Have you been in therapy before? If so, what did you explore with your last therapist? 6. What are you looking for in a therapist? These are just to name a few, but the main thing to do is to make sure you ask all of your questions. Things like: do you take my insurance, how often a week will we be meeting, how do you handle patients like me specifically (ex. 19 year old in college with x problems), what do your therapy techniques look like? You want to be able to truly gage if you would be a good fit for their service and if they would be able to do the same for you. Ask for clarification on things they say that you may not understand. Therapists have their own kind of language and you want to be able to understand what they’re talking about if you don’t already. Words like [blank] might come up based on the type of therapy and therapist you’re looking at. Make sure you ask what that means and how that pertains to them being able to treat you. It’s important to walk away from the conversation with enough information so that you can make a decision but it all boils down to the way you feel. If you’re comfortable with this person and can financially afford them, take the risk and always ask about their cancellation process. For the most part you can cancel therapy at any time free of charge (as long as you tell them in advance so they stop charging you) and you can switch if you find that they’re not the perfect match for you. The initial interview call usually lasts for 15 minutes and is free of charge as well which is something to note. Maybe schedule them throughout the week and then look at your notes for each person to see who you want to give the callback. But it’s also understanding to feel drained by the end of this process as well. Forcing yourself to talk about your mental health struggles can be draining so take the time to reflect on what it is that you need and what you’re feeling apart from the interview itself. CostsSince I’ve only gone through Zencare I’m more familiar with their financial process but I’ll try to link both options below. Zencare has a sliding scale option which I loved because it’s a way to allow people who don’t have insurance or are low income to be able to find ways to afford therapy. (Cuz we all know that shit can be expensive) and while I know the pandemic during its peak was a specific time, the sliding sale is still in place. It allowed me to pay out of pocket and to have me be financially responsible for my care--which can be really helpful for those who don’t want their caretakers to know that they’re going to therapy if it’s something you’d rather keep to yourself. It enabled me to pay out of pocket but it’s always something you should talk and ask about with the therapist you intend to work with just to see if you can have the prices lowered. They usually have a number there but negotiation can go a long way, especially if you can explain a little bit of your financial situation. People are more likely to be flexible during these times, especially if you’re college aged. Though there’s also an option to have financial aid which gave me a discount when I signed up for Betterhelp which also has a mixture of sliding scale options and insurance supported options. Though the one thing to note is that therapy is rarely covered by insurance and as discouraging as that can be, it’s also something to plan when looking at your options. If you'd have insurance, see how much of your care would be covered, and if the sliding scale option works out better for you financially and personally then go with that instead. I had to put in certain information but nothing that went through my school or required tax information when it came to the financial aid for Betterhelp though. “To continue, to continue, that is what is necessary”- Van GoghAnd that’s it for part one! I hope you guys enjoyed. Hopefully this can be a little bit useful for anyone who’s curious or unsure about therapy. I just want to say that I am no expert or professional, I’m figuring all of this stuff out just the same way you are. But Ilearned that we’re all just a little bit more resilient than we give ourselves credit for, therapy doesn’t always have to be for emergencies--it can be a way to simply check in with yourself. And it’s not always unattainable for POC as long as we know that we have options out there. The part 2 of this series will be giving alternative options to traditional therapy because I know it still can’t be an option for everyone. Either way, be kind to yourself and one another. The greatest investment we can ever make in this world will be in ourselves.
Wishing you all peace of mind and heart! With love, Arianna 11/13/2020 0 Comments I invested in a new friendIt's been awhile since I've done a life update, hasn't it? Whew, we have a lot to catch up on so let's just jump right into it. How are ya'll though? I hope life is doing a little better since quarantine.
What am I up to? For one, I'm back at school. If you guys follow me on Instagram (you totally should, I think I'm finally figuring out my *aesthetic*) you guys probably already know this by now. But I love being back here! I live in a suite with some of my closest friends and it's been a good time (completely COVID safe environment since most of my friends live with me). But I'm looking forward to going home for the holidays. I've also started a new internship! I'm a media content writer at online magazine, StudyBreaks, which is very cool. I have an editor who's such a queen and I work directly with the CEO which make things so personal. I also have a writing group who gives me feedback and they're so nice. It's such a vibe! But I've loved writing professionally for someone and it's definitely given me a chance to think things through about where I want to take my writing career. I think I've talked about it a little on here about my thoughts for future jobs but honestly, I don't know. And with the state of the world, who the hell would? Either way though, I'm loving the experience so far. I'm also taking in media so much differently now which is an interesting experience so I can't wait to try new writing styles and reach different audiences with different content. So definitely follow my work on there. I have my LinkTree up on my blog account so you can follow all my articles there. Let me know in the comments what you think! What does dating during COVID look like? I've never talked about dating on my blog and I probably won't for a long time after this but I peeked into the online dating world for a brief moment and oh my gosh, it's horrid! Haha. This isn't an advice post so I don't meant to be negative but my honest experience was just...a mess. There are no deep, juicy secrets to tell. For the most part I think I was mainly disinterested because of the amount of work I had to put in just to maintain a simple conversation (which clearly tells me I'm not ready to date) but also, I think I was just on the wrong site. I'm not opposed to it in the future, especially with COVID because it seems safer on all aspects when having a conversation with someone. That way if things get creepy I can just stop talking to them instead of having to worry about a bad date experience, but I can only speak on my experience from the talking stage. But I did come away with some thoughts. For one, "the talking stage" fucking sucks. Like come on, what does that even mean? And why does it have to be a stage? There's the talking stage, and then the dating stage, and then you're in a relationship and when you put it like that there just seems like so many steps and rules that are just unnecessary. If we're "talking" I'm assuming that everything else will follow and the intent is to end up in a relationship (in certain environments of course). But as much as I think I knew about the subvert rules to each stage, to have them re-explained and emphasized to me because "I can't text this because it actually means this" or "I can't type back too fast because that's too eager"...is a lot. I'm a straightforward gal so I think when I finally commit to dating, I'll waste less of my time worrying about the finer rules of what you should and shouldn't do and just put myself out there to see who can handle the initial hurdle. It seems like an easier way to rule out the guys who aren't committed to the kind of stages I'm into. Sitting In the BIG CHAIR isn't as daunting as it seems (now that I'm seasoned). I started therapy! Guys, I just have to say this again, it's necessary, it's worth it and it's amazing. I paid for an outside therapist back in late July, early August during the last few weeks of quarantine but since coming back to school I've switched to one here and it's been life changing. I don't want to say it's going to always be amazing and you're going to feel like it's perfect from the very first try but I definitely went through my fair share of research and therapists and groups in order to find my right fit. I might write a post giving a few tips on what's worked for me and how to find your right fit but let me know if you guys would be interested in that. However, I will say I don't regret starting this journey as nerve wracking and uncertain I was about doing so. And if you're on a college campus or if your school offers the services remotely, please take advantage because it truly can ease some of the tension in your life (or at least help you feel like you're not alone). And if you have even a little bit of money saved, it's worth the cost to invest in your mental health. Trust me, especially after this rough time in all of our lives, we all need to check in with our inner voices and make sure they're still okay or at least managing. Biden Bitches! (Actual text to my suite-mates the day of the win) To be honest, I didn't think too far into the future since the last time I did my post on COVID-19 (I don't think anyone had the information to do so anyway) but I never saw this coming. First of all, this election was STRESSFUL. I hope everyone who was able, voted but even if ya'll didn't, God really did His thing cuz a girlie was scared. *Nervous laugh* But to be honest, I still am. Aside from the hostility that many minorities might face in retaliation to the election, the race was so close. The red on the screen was BRIGHT and the way those swing states SWUNG gave me whiplash. But overall this year highlighted the racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia (all the f'ing isms) that still strongly exist and oppress this country and that reality is scary. So I'm relieved and so incredibly happy about the turnout but my question is "now what?" Texas just hit over 1 million covid cases, people are still dying, minority communities are still suffering at the hands of life threatening bigots and truthfully, I don't even know what the world will look like in the spring with COVID-19. The world so desperately wants to go back to normal and I get that but our old “normal” wasn’t working, and our new normal is still something to discover but first we have to make it happen. And right now, the only way to do that is to stop "envisioning" what our future could like and start putting things to action. The people of America (for the most part) have done their share, now it's up to those in office. It's up to those in the labs. The system is clearly broken, we are broken, so why do we keep trying to fix things? When you glue broken pieces back together on vase as if they’ll fit the same way, that doesn't stop the water from leaking out of it. The vase is fragile and has been for awhile, so let’s buy a new fucking vase and move on. Adapt, and embrace change. That doesn't mean I also don't miss off-campus parties and going to my friend's dorms without a mask on but it's something we have to do for the survival of everyone. It's a small sacrifice for the greater good. So, life is okay. It can always be better but I feel like the rest of the world is has to grow stronger before it can be happy. (Shoutout to Pinterest for that one lol). But until then, we have each other, this community, our friends and family and I hope this doesn't stop us from forming connections with the world and strengthening our inner selves because we need all the love, compassion and understanding we can get. That's all for now. Until Next Time! With love, Arianna Hey guys!
It’s back to school season! Which is so weird during these times. Do you go back or do you stay home? Online classes or take the semester off? Can you work or are there other responsibilities? So many questions with hard decisions to make and finally, the time is here. For those of you wondering, I'm back in school safely. I'll be adapting to taking online classes just like some of you but it's an adjustment as I learn how to balance safe socializing and being isolated in my room all day with classes. So far I've been okay but it's an adjustment. The point is, there are always going to be other responsibilities to consider when making these decisions and if you are going back to school it’s easy to think and feel overwhelmed. We’ve been home for months sitting in our jammies and watching Netflix all day. Or we’ve been working and we just can’t seem to catch a break as classes are set to resume in the next couple of weeks. Whatever your situation is, I hope you’re doing okay. But as I’ve talked with many of my friends, the feelings are sort of the same: nervousness, excitement, uncertainty, and just plain fear. So I wanted to give these tips in hopes that they’ll help to push you forward and keep you going once you get back into the swing of things—whether that be school or work or your other responsibilities—I want these tips to be things that can help ease your mind as I let you know, you’re not alone in these thoughts and here are some ways that can help. So let’s get into it! 1. Start slow. I don’t know about you but I was always the girl at the end of a summer break who had to finish her assignments three days before school started. I should have known I was setting myself up because since I never took the proper time to prepare before school, as soon as it did everything else was a steep incline. But given the state of our shaky mental health and constant ‘other’ worries, allow yourself to start slow this year. Plan two weeks ahead if you have to, if you can, but build up to the big things. We're always told at the beginning of the school year that we have to "get back" into our routine but now I’m suggesting that you build that routine from scratch. Figure out what works for you by leaving space for things to be moved around in your schedule until you can mentally handle it and also not be behind in your work. For example, last semester if you used to take your showers at night and do work in the morning but you realize you can get more work done the other way around, recognize that last year, your old schedule wasn't as productive and try something new. Or maybe you were doing all of your assignments one day at a time and always found yourself working and had very little time to rest and socialize. Recognize that so you can drop a club this year in order to make more time for school or dedicate an entire day to work so you have more time for other activities and yourself. But the worst thing would be to try and jump back into things full speed ahead and tackle things the same way we left them because it’s not possible and it’s not fair to ourselves. We’re changed, we’re also a little rusty, and that’s okay but we need to take the time to be patient with ourselves so that we don’t easily become overwhelmed and burnout before we’ve even begun. So start slow, build your schedule and routine simultaneously that way once things are running full speed you’ll be at the same pace and feel more comfortable with yourself because you took the time to relearn your old habits or create new ones. 2. Ask for help. When things become overwhelming it can be so easy to just try to figure it out for yourself. Everyone is going through their own thing, you don’t want to bother them, maybe you’re not even sure what questions to ask and that’s okay. Everything else may be attempting to go back to normal but everyone is also learning their routines just like you are and if you’re struggling don’t hesitate to ask those closest to you for help because maybe, they can actually help. Or maybe they can just provide the comfort in letting you know that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. See if you and your friends can work together such as studying over zoom calls or planning your classes together over the phone. Allow yourself to be supported by others and to stumble through this new online work/social life balance but also allow those closest to you to help you up when you fall and then you’ll be better prepared to do the same for them. But if you don’t ask, you’ll never know and no one likes a martyr who suffers in silence—not your friends who only want to be there to help you, not your advisors who are getting paid to help (that you’re technically paying) and not you who’s struggling without the help. 3. Which brings me to my next point which is to Check in. College especially can become very isolating when you and your friends run on different schedules and now maybe you don’t even live with some of your closest friends anymore. Adding to the new hybrid and online learning systems it may feel like a chore to have to reach out because you have so much on your plate, but it’s understandable. But what we need to recognize and take away from these months of isolation is that connecting with people no matter how you feel is so incredibly important for mental health and we need to take it seriously. So even if it feels like a chore, take five minutes out of your day to text a friend. Even if you don’t feel like talking, just say 'hey' to let them know you’re there and so you can feel the presence of being with someone. And if you are fortunate enough to be in a safe environment on campus with your friends, dedicate time in your day: five minutes, ten minutes, just to meet with them and say 'hey, how are you doing?' Just those simple check ins can mean a lot and can go a long way because the worst feeling is loneliness while alone but it’s even worse to think that nobody cares when really so many people do. But it can be hard to take those initial first steps, so make a mental reminder or have you and your friends take accountability for each other to reach out at least once. It doesn’t have to be with the same people everyday but just to say you had social interaction today—even if you’re home, you either FaceTimed someone, texted, waved to someone from your window--something because the last thing we need to do is isolate ourselves in our work too. 4. Take Breaks. Another thing quarantine has shown me is that our society needs to learn how to slowww downnn. And it sucks that it had to happen in this way but now that we’re trying to get back on our feet, I feel like it’d be counterproductive to go back to our old and admittedly bad habits. We were always on the go, we never had enough time and suddenly, that's all we had and we realized, was any of it really worth it? What really holds value in our lives: moving fast and filling it with so many things to do or taking time for family, friends and most importantly, yourself? Granted, sometimes life moves too fast for us to catch up. There’s always something for us to do but we never don't have enough time to take five, ten, fifteen minutes to close our eyes and breathe. Or take a nap or do something fun that makes us happy because our happiness is what should be sustaining us, not our obligations. So schedule your breaks, because those moments are going to be the times you'll need to regroup, recharge, reflect and that's just as important as your work. Pushing yourself to go past your work limit breaks down your mental health and right now all we want to do is try and build it back up, so let’s stay consistent with our self care and personal time because we need to make that just as much a part of our routine as we need to do our laundry. Disclaimer: Showers, painting your nails, five minute dance parties, naps, watching your 30 minute John Oliver episode all count as self care and breaks but it can also be something more regulated and less spontaneous such as dedicating time to your face care every night because it helps calm you down. It should always be something you look forward to that allows you to take a step away from everything and you have to commit to it fully in order for it to work. Even if you have to set a timer, make sure it gets done even if you have to go right back into work after. 5. Create Boundaries. We all want to be there for each other, and we all want to be as active and involved as possible because we’ve missed out on so much. I mean, nothing was actually happening but time has slipped away from us and we feel like we have to make up for months of boredom and isolation, which is completely valid but we also need to remember our boundaries. Mentally allowing too much in at once can get overwhelming (as odd as that might sound) and we may slack on our responsibilities later or suddenly be overcommitted to too many things and loose interest fast. Not to say you can’t change your mind but when it comes to close friendships and things you loved doing that are suddenly feeling more like a burden because you have to ‘make up all this time’ you’re not setting the boundaries within yourself to enjoy the thing but also step back and reflect on why these things are important to you and why they make you happy. So set boundaries by saying you’ll commit to your closest friends and your favorite clubs this year that way you don't overload your level or responsibilities but it's also within your right to switch clubs or make new friends or focus on your emotional growth and healing. Make the executive decision to say no to talking on the phone out if your social battery is running low because your friends will still be there tomorrow but cling to the moments that truly mean something because I know the world is still a scary place to be right now. But you don't have to run yourself dry in desperation to hold onto something you don't have any control over. Setting those boundaries again will help you to affirm who you want to be in your life through the things you chose to make a priority, but also define what roles you want to play outside of school commitments and helping to maintain that work/social balance. Physically, there is still a pandemic guys so let’s not take free liberties in hopping from room to room with no mask and no social distancing. Set the terms for what you want and will allow into your personal space and then stick to those rules. Whether that be one person at a time social distancing in your room or having two friends max with hand sanitizer at the door and the door open. But don’t let anyone tell you or convince you to let go of those boundaries that put your health and safety at risk. If they can’t follow your rules then you’ll need to either meet with them only in public spaces where they have no choice but to follow them or you may have to reevaluate ways in which you hang out with that person. You’re not being mean, but as much as you’re protecting yourself you’re protecting them too and everyone needs to take this seriously. Just because we’re starting back up again doesn’t mean that everything is normal, it’s not normal but it’s something we all have to learn how to work around and we all have to do our part in order to keep things operational or else we’ll go right back to the way we were three months ago. 6. And last but not least, Break things down. I talk about being overwhelmed and taking things slow but a part of that is also not letting your to-do list fill up with too much at once. It’s easy to say as soon as you get an assignment, 'do it' but that’s not always realistic. Though, it might be more realistic to dedicate a day to homework tasks and household chores throughout the week. Along with your breaks schedule time to fold your laundry if you forgot the last time or start an assignment that’s coming up that you could squeeze in before you have your online zoom club meeting but would probably make life easier if you just did it now. It’s all a part of being a responsible adult. Blah. Ew. I know, but sometimes you have to realize that you’re never going to want to do things but you have to. In order to look out for your future self, push yourself while your task list is still low, that way even if it piles up for the week it’s not piled up from last week too. And that’s the end of my list! I know it’s titled ‘how to find motivation’ but to be honest, I’m not sure if this list actually helps with that. I can confidently say that my motivation went on a hike in February and got lost in the mountains somewhere. So right now I’m scrambling to find her and bring her ass back but she don’t have cell service sooo. lmao. But my point is, to find it within yourself to ‘work hard’ and ‘be motivated’ isn’t as easy as flicking on and off a switch. The country has gone through a trauma and we’re still living through one right now but attempting to be ‘okay’ isn’t what’s going to help us get through this. Taking time to be patient with ourselves but staying vigilant in all things health and safety is the only way this can work. Our motivation will come from finding our routine and rediscovering ourselves within our old habits and learning how to work around the new disadvantages and limits within ourselves and the world. So don’t force anything if you don’t have to, stay true to the path that you’re on and even if you don’t know what that is yet, stay true to yourself so that when you find that path, your motivation is coming from a place of substance and not a fragile state of false sustenance. Love always, Arianna 7/27/2020 0 Comments Must B nIceHi! Future me writing. I actually have another article written about this on my StudyBreaks page so click here to read more and then come back to this one. Enjoy!
This post is going to be a short one because it came to me at four in the morning but, heyyy guys! How are you? There's a lot to say, but there aren't enough words for me to express them quite yet, but we're here for each other. That's what's important, to stay here for each other, even if we can't always say the words or pick up the phone, know that we still have this community. Let's do what we can to be here, in anyway that we can, interpreting that as many ways as we should--whether it's in spirit or through the comments, just do what you can to help you not feel so alone. Aside from that, I'm wishing you all well. Most of us are all "just okay" and that's...okay. Those of us that need help getting there, I'm sending all the love in the world to help you through this tough time. But on that note, I wanted to share something with you! It's rare that I find things on Youtube now that I actually...like. The people I used to watch are no longer the people I'm drawn to now which is interesting to me. (My interests have changed so vastly in only a few short months, which is crazy because that means I've changed which is always a good thing, but anyways), I found a podcast called Must B Nice created and produced by these two guys, Adam Faze and Jamie Dolan. I have no idea who they are but on the podcast they have a segment called Day by Day telling short fictional stories about our lives during the pandemic. And after listening to only three episodes, I truly think it's amazing. They bring in actors that we know and love or can discover to record such real narratives and my favorite part is at the end when they promote a charity to donate to or learn about. I've really been scouring for new resources for myself and you guys and I was so happy when I finally felt drawn to write about something I'm passionate about again. And I'm glad it can be this. Down below I'm going to link a two part series that I absolutely fell in love with. It's called Class of 2020: Prom and Class of 2020: Graduation and honestly, it's emotional. I mean, it was for me at least. The narratives that are told, the viewpoints that are portrayed are so important and so relieving to hear from someone who can relate to a little bit of everything. From being black in America during the BLM movement, to feeling anxious because of the virus, the stories are so intimate that I feel like even though I'm a rising sophomore in college, any young person can relate to this. I especially wanted to link these episodes because I feel like I've been needing a reason to write again, maybe find some clarity, at the center of all this uncertainty and this definitely helped with that. I mean, of course, I talk to my friends and we all have similar fears and overlapping life problems but it just reminded me that this is happening to all of us. This is bigger than just me and my friends and it needs to be normalized that shit is happening with young people all around the world, even if we feel like we're the only ones most of the time. Our lives are just starting and we're at the center of change and...it's scary as it is empowering. But sometimes, life's problems and fears can overpower the reasons why, the meaning behind our actions and our words, especially when the rest of the world doesn't even seem to be listening to the adults, least of all us. So I just thought that this podcast might be able to bring some clarity and peace to you, and help you know that you're not alone; that this is bigger than all of us and feeling out of control is normal, feeling fear and anxiety is still normal, even months later. But I do want to say, we can't go back to our old "normal". And we shouldn't: black lives matter, families need to stop being ripped away from their homes with kids in cages, and not wearing a mask just because it's uncomfortable shows that there's a lack of compassion for others in our society and that needs to change. But the small stuff matters too--like prom, like high school graduation, like hanging out with your friends. So, prioritize your mental health above all, make the best decisions for you and yours, and wear a fucking mask. It's not that hard. I hope you all enjoy. Stay safe guys. With love, Arianna Links: Class of 2020: Prom Class of 2020: Graduation 5/11/2020 0 Comments Ex(pose)sureWhen sunlight hits against,
Elevated cheekbones without your favorite highlighter; And golden hues reflect on uneven toned skin. Your lashes close, dusting your cheeks And your lips are chapped and shaking. You are vulnerable. You are selfish. You are vain. You are skin. When your palms are dry and cracked, Aching, as skin is stretched taught as it reaches for tangible dreams in the sky; Your fingertips graze the clouds of possibilities, But only raindrops fall and drench your sleeves; Your wrists are wet and damp uncomfortably. You are yearning. You are eager. You are hopeful. You are skin. When the light is no longer working for your bathroom mirror, And you’ve run out of acne cream; When your favorite waxing salon has closed down, And you really can’t afford another pair of new jeans… When there are no longer any more clothes to hide under, The dark circles are big enough for everyone to find; When you are naked and standing in the mirror, With no one but yourself to look you in the eye. When your heart aches for the things your hands cannot touch; And your voice is but a whisper after all the words you still didn’t say, Your body reflects the life you’ve lived; And your body is all the love you are. You are torn, You are broken, You are scars, cuts and bruises… And you are skin. I know this kind of ended on a depressing note but first I want to say HI! How are you? I know it’s been so long and the world is really crazy right now. I debated giving a life update--I finished my first year of university (yay!), I made some amazing friends (who really do make the world go round), I’m developing a strong mental, emotional and physical health (we love a growing Queen), and I’m going through this pandemic crises just like all of you. So with that in mind, I decided against the update and created this instead instead. This was an idea that I had in mind for a really long time and I finally created the aesthetic and the pictures to go with it but had no idea what I wanted to create with it until I finally thought--poetry, duh! It's been awhile since we've seen any on the blog so I was excited to share it. Anyways, in spirit of us all going through similar life experiences, (though completely unrelated), I wanted to share a poem about how societal pressures of beauty force us to see things as these imperfections that need to be fixed or covered up. When really, our raw and most authentic and unedited selves are the most beautiful because that’s who we really are and how could we not want to love ourselves? Even though it can be hard. We have to learn and love and appreciate that inner self so that it can reflect to our outer selves before we allow these corporations tell us what they think we’re missing from our lives. After we understand that: "Makeup or no makeup, I’m still beautiful", then we can pile on everything else materialistic and superficial because makeup is fucking fun and it makes you feel fun and sexy and confident. And in the end, that's all any one of us wants to feel on the inside. The point of this or anything really is to help us truly understand who we are and what parts of ourselves we want to reflect to the world--of course the best parts, but are those “best parts” truly you? Or are they the metaphorical “makeup” that we choose to hide behind because we think people will like that version of ourselves better? So make sure you're doing things to feed that inner beauty and not because society tells you there's something wrong with who you really are. Either way, I really thought this poem could help some of you guys to look at the inner and outer beauty being reflected differently through words. DISCLAIMER! I am not calling anyone selfish or vain, I am speaking to the corporations who tell us that we need something more/other than ourselves in order to feel or be beautiful. I definitely played with words and meanings behind punctuation in this poem so I really hope you guys enjoyed. I’m hoping to learn how to reclaim and define definitions of words in life and through my writing that are used to tear us down so that’s kind of my intention behind this. I love you guys, I really hope you guys are all staying safe, staying healthy and I’ll talk to you soon. Until Next Time. With love, Arianna If you guys haven't already read part 1 of this post, I highly suggest that you read that first before reading this. If you haven't read the book yet, then I suggest you do that as well. Lol. There are major spoilers. Now, if you've read both (or don't care about the spoilers for the book) then I hope you enjoy reading the parts of this book that really made me reflect on life. I always said that this book reminded me of a modern day The Catcher in the Rye (even though I definitely hated that book in high school. Lol.).
The style of writing, the letter format, the ending...Was I the only one who couldn't spot the plot twist? Either way, the story and the writing are what made this book special for me. I 10/10 recommend. Now let's get into the quotes: "I think it's bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is. And I think it's bad when the most honest way a boy can look at a girl is through a camera. It's very hard for me to see Sam feel better about herself just because an older boy sees her that way." "...the scientists found out was that the rat of mouse would out up with a lot more voltage for the pleasure. Even for the food." (This concept was interesting to me because it makes you realize that even for animals, where their survival is based on pure instinct, happiness in life holds more value than even survival. Things such as money, (food for the rats) a steady job, etc. don't matter if you're not enjoying the life you're living, even the little things. Imagine if we chose pleasure all the time?) Thoughts: Charlie says he wants to be anonymous but the first thing he mentions is the death of his friend "Michael" by the cause of suicide. Since it was such a huge event at his school doesn't he think who he's writing to will know who he is since she was there? December 21, 1991 -after he read the poem- "And I think they knew." "And I think that's all you can ever ask from a friend." (Looking back on this quote I can't help but think what did they know? Did they know about Helen?) Thoughts: December 26, 1991 What happens to him after he found out Aunt Helen died? "I would die for you, but I won't live for you." (I love this.) "I think the idea that every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people. Maybe that is what makes people "participate."" (…And this.) "I just want you to know that you're very special...and the only reason I'm telling you is that I don't know if anyone else ever has." "I think that should be the tradition. The kid gets gifts from everybody, and he buys one present for his mom since she was there, too. I think that would be nice." (I love his use of simple words to describe an emotion so deep. "nice".) "...called me a "teacher's pet" in the hallway after Bill's class, but I didn't mind because I think he missed the point somewhere." (I wish I even had simple words to describe this emotion.) "It's strange the times people choose to be generous." "Remember when we all felt infinite?" (The first time it was said had an impact but when this was said and the "remember" is what hit me. There was nostalgia for such a glorious moment in his life but also so much pain and longing.) "I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere." (I love that feeling. That feeling of "I love you", "I love me", "I love this life" because this makes me feel ALIVE.) "I thought that your being sad was much more important to me than Craig not being your boyfriend anymore. And if that meant that I would never get to think of you that way, as long as you were happy, it was okay. That's when I realized I really loved you." (What is love? Is it this like he described? Is it what Sam told him it really was? How do you know?) "If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to be able to do whatever they want around me. And if they do something I don't like, I'll tell them." (Authenticity.) "I wasn't being honest. So, why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn't even really know me?" (Sadness.) "I'm going to be who I really am. And I'm going to figure out what that is." (We all have those moments. The journey never ends. We continue to grow.) "But right now I'm here with you. And I want to know where you are, what you need, and what you want to do." (We all need people like this.) "I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have." (Being a good person can have a long lasting impression on someone, no matter how small.) Thoughts: I wonder if her life changed after getting these letters. I hope she read them. "And I was really there. And that was enough to make me feel infinite." Until Next Time! With love, Arianna Wallflower (Noun)- a person who has no one to dance with or who feels shy, awkward, or excluded at a party.
[wol-flour] Do you guys like my made up pronunciation of the word? I thought it was pretty clever. Lol. Anyways... I am not a wallflower, and I'm glad for that I guess, but I do think that any modern day teenager can relate to some of the thoughts and emotions Charlie was feeling in this book. I'm writing about this book because this book meant so much to me when I read it. I didn't know how much of a tough time I was having until I finished the book at two o'clock in the morning and I was just...numb. But I'm learning to be more vulnerable with the world and trusting with myself which is why I'm sharing my thoughts on here with you. And I'm learning to trust myself to handle my emotions and allowing people in to help me with the things I can't do on my own. Aside from that, Perks of a Wallflower inspired me to write. It inspired passion and emotion and creativity. When you go through these growing pains, as I like to call them-when you begin to question your confidence and your identity- I feel like books like this one are the books you need that will bring you to that dark place of self reflection. It will help you discover what you need. I needed to confide in someone in that moment, and the next day I did. I've never felt better. But my journey isn't over. Maybe one day I'll be able to share all of it with you guys but for right now I appreciate the constant support of always sticking by me and reading whatever midnight thoughts fly through my brain. I'm at college right now, learning how HARD it really is and I really love it here but I'm not 100%. It has nothing to do with the place or the people but just because of me. I'm trying though, and I know I'll get there eventually but a professor of mine recently told me that I've always been confident because I've never had a moment where I've needed to challenge that confidence. Who am I really? And the truth is, I don't know. I'm trying to learn that that's okay. I've been giving some pretty not-so-subtle hints about my struggle with mental health through my Instagram so definitely follow me on there, but college is teaching me that this part of my life is a new, fresh start and I get to chose who I want to be, so I refuse to waste it. As a result, I've made a list. Four steps to emotional success: 1. Have a good cry at least once a week. (Preferably with someone close to me so I can learn that it's okay to trust people who care for you.) 2. Confide in someone close to you. (I need to learn that it's okay to be vulnerable because the lack thereof will only make it hard for me to build real, genuine relationships and I don't want to live my life like this.) 3. Take a chance. (I need to take emotional risks and fail if I ever want to gain my confidence back.) 4. Go to therapy. (This is an idea I've already committed to and I'm very excited and nervous. But I know I can't do everything on my own so, it's time to go to a professional.) 5. Try something new every week (Whether it be yoga, working out, running, throwing karaoke and movie night in my dorm, I have to allow myself to take advantage of how great life is because it's phenomenal.) These are four tips I wrote for myself but if you're going through anything I highly encourage making a list of your own or using mine to help you through your journey. Just know that doing everything alone only makes you lonely. And even if you're not going through anything right now, you can never be too confident or self-assured. Let yourself be 100% authentic and real with your emotions. Treat them as a part of you, don't shun or turn them away. Embrace them and they'll only help you grow more strong in the long run. So, I realize I've been talking to you guys for awhile now and you're probably tired of reading by now so stayed tuned for PART 2. That's where I'll share all the quotes and paragraphs I absolutely adored from this book. Until Next Time! With love, Arianna 1/21/2019 0 Comments Why i’ve been slackingsong: Thursday by Jess glynne I never want to become an image of what life is “supposed” to be. I just want to be…me.
Let me explain. When I started this blog I knew I wanted it to reflect who I am, who I’m growing into and who I want to be but I never wanted it to become a different part of me. I think when you take as much of yourself and have to turn that into something that becomes content and a product for not just yourself but everyone else to have access to, it can be draining. Everything on my blog is from the heart, never scripted but always thoughtful. I take a lot of time and thought into the words I say and the things I write about. I never want to offend anyone but I always want to be truthful. I don’t want to expose too much of myself but I try to be as transparent with you as I can. So I hope I’m being honest to myself and to you guys when I say this, but the truth is. I’m struggling. When I started blogging, I also never realized how therapeutic it would become for me in my hardest times but as I’m growing with my blog and with you guys, I’ve realized that I struggle from anxiety and depression. It’s taken me some time to come terms with it for myself but I wanted to share it with you guys because I want to de-stigmatize the talk around mental health, especially in young people. I think we’re growing into a culture that tries to laugh things off or try to normalize how often students don’t enjoy school, stress, lack of sleep, etc. When in reality, it’s quite damaging to us as a society and as people. For a long time I blamed myself for having bad days, for the pressure building in my chest, for feeling tired after weeks of suddenly being happy only to crash. But it was never my fault and I want to let you know that it’s not yours either. I tried out therapy and gosh, it’s amazing. It’s helping to uncover all the baggage in my life and to help me work through things for a better future. But I also want to emphasize the importance of reaching out to the people closest to you. I worried that I’d be a burden or that I would be bothering my friends and family with my personal struggles, but those who really care for you will be there for you. Lean on them when you need to but make sure you communicate when you’re struggling—if and when you can—but also make it clear that it’s not their responsibility to say the right things and always know what to do. Make sure that they always have the space to tell you when they’re also not mentally and emotionally available, that way your friendship isn’t tainted by imbalance (you sharing and they feel like they’re never being listened to or heard). You’re also not too old to be struggling—I’m only 18 and I though I’d have everything figured out by now and boy was I wrong—but I also learned that everyone has a mental health, and when you neglect it for too long, things will eventually build up. So take care of yourselves; journal, reflect, meditate, and you don’t always need to go to a therapist just because something is “Wrong” but it’s great to have another person to talk to about your life who isn’t actively involved in it. Outside perspectives can help you foster different perspectives for dealing with any problems you may have and it can actually be fun. Struggling with your mental health doesn’t make you weak and you never have to worry about being lonely because you’re never truly alone when you reach out for help. Everyone has baggage. And that’s okay. You don’t have to come in guns blazing to defend yourself, pushing away all the things you’ve been through just to show the world you’re okay hone you’re really not. You also don’t have to tell everyone you meet that you’re going through something. To be honest, I was so scared of putting this online because now I’m allowing you, the outside world, into something that’s incredibly personal to me, but I want this to be a space where we understand that we’re not perfect, and that’s okay. I want to build a community that’s going to build each other up and also have support to lean on when you need it. I want to de-stigmatize talking about mental health and talk about the benefits of reaching out when you’re struggling, first by changing the words we use to communicate about our struggle. I’m not slacking because I’m choosing to be “lazy”, I’m demotivated because I’m dealing with other things at the moment and that’s okay. And I want it to be okay for you too. I'm really looking forward to 2019, so stay tuned. I don’t want my blog to only be a reflection of the good things in my life—an alter ego filled with only 85% of me—I truly want it to reflect who I am and this is who I am. This is me. Thank you so much for reading and supporting me. I love you all so much. Until Next Time. With love, Arianna Quote: “You are enough. A thousand times enough.” -Unknown (I don’t own any of these photos.) |
AuthorI'm an 21 year old girl who lives in NY. I love to read and write and fashion is my life. Follow me to find out more! Archives
January 2023
CategoriesAll Anxiety Black Empowerment Black History Blog Books Depression Fashion Halloween LGBT Lifestyle Mental Health Movies Music Poetry PreCollege Review Self Love Thoughts Tips And Guides Writing |