1/26/2020 0 Comments College 101: The TruthHI GUYS! Welcome back to the blog. I'm very excited for this post because I've waited soo long to finally talk about this and now...I think it's time. (P.S. Click on the photos to listen. ;) Pride is something that usually is a double edged sword. You either have too much of it (for yourself) or it’s an overwhelming, heartfelt emotion. But no matter on which spectrum you fall, at which time, I think pride deserves to be outwardly expressed even if it may come off a little conceited, and here’s why. When you accomplish something-even with help-you were the one who went through all the trials and tribulations; you thought you wouldn’t get there but somehow you rallied and pulled through-and I think you should allow yourself to feel that pride. No matter what it took for you to get there, or how long, at the end of this journey you accomplished something. I didn’t feel pride when I first got accepted into college. Now don’t get me wrong, I was excited, I was happy, I was relieved, maybe a little shocked but pride? No, for me it took me a long time to feel the pride of having done something to get into the school of my dreams. It’s not the direct fault of anyone but I had many different people who played so many different roles in my life, people that I value and respect, tell me that the path I was trying to take wasn’t going to be worth it; that there was a high possibility that it wouldn’t work, and to look at other options. Long story short, I was discouraged and it was so discouraging that when I actually accomplished my goal-I got into the school of my dreams!-I was still so worried and it took away this overwhelming feeling that I should have been reveling in: the same ones I’m telling you to revel in. College is a risky business to play. There’s the statistics and then there’s a lottery. You’re either exactly what they want or you’re not and it sounds harsh but it also has nothing to do with you even if you’ve put in the work. It may be that they don’t have that many slots to fill and you just barely made the cut. But the truth is, you never know when it comes to institutions, you just have to do everything you can and hope for the best. That being said, there are so many things that can be discouraging on its own aside from waiting anxiously for schools to get back to you, not to mention you’re still a full time high school student. However, try not to let all the pressure dissuade you not only from the process itself but from the possibilities of doing or being something great or from doing what you want to do just because of the stats. I wanted to give advice for high school students through the college process. I wanted to talk more about the SAT’s versus the ACTs (I liked the ACTs better by the way) and I wanted to talk about the pros and cons of going to a state school versus a city school; private institutions versus public; six hours away versus an hour and a half. I wanted to go into detail about the FAFSA process and CSS but...I realized that me writing a list of tips and tricks wasn’t going to help you if they all sounded like every other person who’s written advice on college. It also wasn't going to be easy or fun for me to 1. Remember everything that I went through in order to give you sound and solid advice and 2. Write things that even I’m not educated on. Instead, I wanted to share some of the personal aspects of the college process with you guys, knowing this is the best way you can get a feel for the experience and it’s the most real coming from me. The college process is daunting (or at least, that’s the way it was presented as for me). I wasn’t one of those kids in sixth grade planning to study nursing at Cornell. I didn’t even really decide my major until junior year and it was because I had to. (Luckily for me it didn’t take that long to guess my passion but still) college is all about planning and the future, two things I don’t like to do (I’m a “live in the moment kind of person, to be honest). But starting from my freshman year of high school, I was already being programmed to work hard so that I could get into a good college. Which, on one aspect, I appreciated because it taught me incredible work ethic and to value the skills I learned in school but on the other, it made college seem like the end all be all for life and success which created a ton of pressure and anxiety that I didn’t enjoy. College is a future plan that not many people know if they truly want to commit to but it’s “the only way to get anywhere successful” and we’re all striving for success, right? Eh. Maybe, but not always in that way. Not to mention, the type of school and the name are such bigger factors than they need to be but with the way our society is built, it’s equally as important. I didn’t choose a school that was as well known to the people working with me through the process. It was a shot in the dark, a private institution six hours away with a low acceptance rate...it was a risky business. I put all my cards into this school. I passed up opportunities to further myself in other applications, I traveled the distance numerous times just to push myself forward but only for this school. If things didn’t work out, I could have been left with nothing and that was scary for the people around me but for me, but I felt like this is what I wanted. This is what I needed in a college and I was going to get in. And I don’t say this with arrogance or even confidence but with as much determination as I could muster. (And I did. I got in!). But as much as I was pushing forward to make things happen, there were many voices nagging for me to look at other options or to perhaps take those same steps for my one school, towards the others as well. Now I just want to jump right in here and say that my mom has stood by every decision I’ve ever made and not naively at that. We discussed our options for hours, we weighed the pros and cons, we made a financial and life plan and at the end of the day she's the one who kept pulling me back from all those other voices, reminding me why I'm doing what I'm doing and that this is my life and I'm the only one who has to live it so it should be my choice. And it was, but it wasn't without her constant motivation and encouraging words. I also want to point out that the other people in my life who were also a part of this process were equally amazing. I recognize the roles they had to play and despite their outward concerns there has never been a time when I've needed something and haven't been able to sit down with them and they helped me get through it. This isn't me bashing their name or the responsibilities they had because I know all of their concerns were from a place of valid love and concern. However, the outward caution led me to have many doubts and insecurities throughout and after this process. Though, I look at that as a part of my journey that helped to keep me humble so I didn’t get too lost in the glamour and excitement of everything. It also helped me to look at the reality and responsibility of everything I was doing-It made me fully understand the outcome of my decisions if things didn’t go well-and I made that decision fully knowing what I was walking into and I appreciate that. Though, even after I got in I questioned whether or not I was doing the right thing. Was this the right decision for me? Should I have stayed closer to home? But I’m here now and… I walk past landmarks on my campus that first drew my head high, dropping my jaw with wonder and I just have to stop mid stride and say wow. I’m actually here and I’m living my dream. I didn’t listen to those voices around me but that didn’t mean they didn’t get to me. But I’m also a firm believer in what’s for you will come to you in due time. I also don’t want to say “don’t do what I did” because if you feel passionately about a school or anything in life really, no matter the risk, do it. But just understand the risk that you’re taking, accept that these are your decisions and that results will be from the impact of your actions. Win or lose, be prepared to be proud of the fact that at least you tried. (And it never hurts to have a backup plan, even if it’s a last resort). Maybe you were supposed to learn something from that journey. But don’t give in to the voices if they’re telling you to give up your dream completely. Just remember the reasons for why you’re doing this, picture yourself doing all these amazing things at this institution because it will eventually become your home for the next four years. Don’t lose sight of your goals but when you get to that finish line, push the voices out of your head because you did this. I did this-despite the naysayers. I worked hard to get here-despite how hard and how long it took me. It all paid off-despite all the odds against me. I deserve to feel pride in getting here, in now being here-and you deserve to feel pride after you’ve accomplished all the goals you’ve always wanted to achieve. I say this to you to let you know to keep going, to remind yourself of these things, and to perhaps use me as an example. Now, I’m not saying not to listen to those closest to you when they give you advice, especially through the college process. The people who help you are there to help you but so often people who have been in the business for a long time know the odds and focus on the numbers instead. The odds of doing things for you can either be either really high or really low but I also think you know yourself best and you have to make sure you make decisions that work best for you. Deep down I knew that this is what I wanted. This was the school for me and I worked my hardest to do everything I could to get in and I did.
Dreams do come true if they’re meant to be for you. But if you listen to everyone who whispers in your ear what they think, the things that come your way aren’t going to really be for you, it’s going to be from them. This is your life, live it the way you want to because you’re the only one living it and you deserve to be happy. Hell, you deserve to try and maybe fail and learn from that too and then gain something even better. The college process is long and tumultuous but in the end, if it’s what you want, it’s worth it. So, pride...allow yourself to feel it. Not just after you’ve gotten into college but after you get an A on that test or even a C when you thought you’d fail; feel pride when you graduate even if you didn’t get honors; feel pride for making your bed in the morning when you usually don’t. Allow yourself to feel pride because it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s all you can feel to express the relief and gratitude at the end of a journey. Your accomplishments are your own, take pride in that. Until Next Time! With Love, Arianna
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1/1/2020 4 Comments Grateful: Happy 2020!HAPPY NEW YEAR! I had a whole debate with my mom on New Years Eve about what the big deal was surrounding entering into the new decade. Now don't get me wrong, jumping into another year, especially a new decade is always a blessing in itself. It's amazing and it's exciting and it's a joyful time, because we made it! We are officially one year into the next chapter in our lives. But that's not what the discussion was about. It somehow turned into a conversation about what generation I'm in (Generation Z. All this time I thought I was a millennial!) and why it's so important to us. Even though this is technically not our first decade (shout out to my 2000/2001 babies!) this is the first one that we can remember and be a part of. This is the first one we can celebrate as sort-of adults. Some of us are in college now, starting new chapters in our lives and 2020 is finalizing how long it took for us to get here. It's kind of cool when you think about it. Long story short, I was confusing my mom with all my questions such as: "Is a century only meaningful at the start of every new century?" (but that argument went void after I realized 2010); or "Is it only meaningful because it's the same number repeated (20-20) But then I told her "maybe" since the next time this will happen it'll be the start of another century that I'm not sure any of us will be around to live through. (Can you imagine 3030? That's kind of cool. I wonder what the names of the generations will be by then). Anyways, all this talk about the true meaning of a new year and why it's so important just got me thinking about all the amazing things I've accomplished and lived through not only this year but in my entire life. There are so many people (artists and celebrities) that were my age and didn't get to make it this far-people's lives who were stolen from them, lives ruined as the government ripped families apart, as people found only despair and ended things on their own... I think every new year, every birthday, every holiday, every day we should find time to be thankful and appreciative of the things we have, the life we live because things can always be worse; but also because you're still here, you made it. I mean in these least dramatic and depressing way possible. I also don't write this with the intention of saying everyone should sit back and think back through their struggle and feel like it isn't valid because people are starving and dying or dead but for you to just take the time to appreciate the things that you can. So, what are you grateful for? I have a lot to be grateful for, especially in 2020. 2019 was...whew, it was a whirlwind. I went from senior year to finishing my first college semester. I went to Europe, moved six hours upstate, made lifelong friends, had an emotional break and...life couldn't be anymore confusing and insane but I'm so thankful for everything my experiences and the struggles brought me. I'm grateful for all the amazing times I spent with family and friends and for all the movies I watched and the novels I read. I'm just grateful because, at least for me, I made it out alive and man was it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. What does this mean? I like to think reflecting on the things you're grateful for and having a positive outlook on life helps you to appreciate what you have but also pushes you to aspire and work harder towards the things you don’t have that you may want. Or it may tell you that you need to take a break this year to sit back and breathe and continue to reflect on yourself and your life as you grow as a person. I know people have certain feelings towards having New Years Resolutions or goals or simply the saying "new year, new me" but I think you can call it whatever you want when you're simply grateful for the life you've lived and want to continue to find new and better ways to live it. Whether that means going on with what you've been doing because it's been working for you or if that means trying to find new and better ways to do the things you want to accomplish. Understanding what you have now helps you not to be blinded by the reasons for why you want the things you do. For example, if you want a new bag but have never been able to get it before, if you look around and see what's already in front of you, you'll appreciate the bags you already own and know that you don’t want that bag because that person has it and you don’t, or because that bag will suddenly make you ten times cooler (because trust me, it won't) but you want that bag because it’s cute and its the missing piece you want to complete your wardrobe. That way, when you get this metaphorical bag it’ll be worth more to you personally because of the meaning behind it. (Stay with me through the metaphor. Lol). Especially if it’s super expensive; maybe this bag will represent you owning your first designer item or the first thing you bought with your own money or something to signify your transition into adulthood. You know? But I think starting with what you have humbles and grounds you to recognize that you don’t need these things but you want these things. I think the reason why people are so bent out of shape over having resolutions and goals isn't just because they never get accomplished but because some of these goals may seem like the things that will somehow make our lives "better" and I think that's where we go wrong. For now I'm talking about the tangible things we want out of life (mental and emotional has a different set of rules) but I think the reason why our motivation to "eat healthier" and to "workout more" aren't the things we really need or want for our lives, they're just the things that society presents to us as "the better way to live" which again, is not the case. Let me explain: You want to work out because you want to be healthy but are you doing the things everyone else is doing to work out or are you really dedicating time to finding the workout that works for you? Maybe treadmills and weights aren't for you, maybe yoga is, but when you say workout, Planet Fitness and Soul Cycle are the first things we think of.
All I'm saying is, why do you really want these things because if they're really for you, you'll find a way to get them-but you can't look outside for the things that you want, you have to start with what you have and see where you can grow, not necessarily where you're lacking. Putting so much pressure to fill this void is going to be harder than just trying to add greater, happier, better things to the things you already have. In the case of my metaphorical purse, just define what it would really mean for you to have and to accomplish these things in the new year and do them at your own pace. This year I learned a lot about trying not to keep up with everyone's definition of success so that I could define what that really means for me. If that's something you've been struggling with, this is the great way to start. Having these things won’t make you a better or worse person but help you to achieve something personal for yourself. And that's all you should ever want and ask for. Don’t take for granted what you have because it can easily be taken away. Be humble for what you have because at the end of the day, these things that you may want are only things and be humbled by the experiences that get you to the places you are now because first and foremost, it's always important to remember to be human and to be a kind person and to value relationships because those are things that are always timeless. Also never forget how and where you started because I assure you, you're much further along than you think. Every day you're growing, so be proud of that. So, I know how hard it can be to make and keep resolutions and how motivating it can be to have goals. But if you just want to take the pressure off of setting expectations for an undefined future, I think you should take five to ten minutes to reflect and appreciate everything you have. Be proud of the person you are now, be thankful for the people you’ve met and the experiences that have shaped you and know that these things, these goals and resolutions, don't define you. They're only a part of who you are, shaping you into who you want to become. But remember that this is your life, so make these your goals and look inward to see what that means to you before you try putting them into practice. It doesn’t matter how you do it-whether that be writing it all down, venting to your best friend or you just having a moment with God, just remember to be grateful, because you’re here and it’s a new year. Peace and love into 2020! Arianna |
AuthorI'm an 21 year old girl who lives in NY. I love to read and write and fashion is my life. Follow me to find out more! Archives
January 2023
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