Hey guys!
It’s back to school season! Which is so weird during these times. Do you go back or do you stay home? Online classes or take the semester off? Can you work or are there other responsibilities? So many questions with hard decisions to make and finally, the time is here. For those of you wondering, I'm back in school safely. I'll be adapting to taking online classes just like some of you but it's an adjustment as I learn how to balance safe socializing and being isolated in my room all day with classes. So far I've been okay but it's an adjustment. The point is, there are always going to be other responsibilities to consider when making these decisions and if you are going back to school it’s easy to think and feel overwhelmed. We’ve been home for months sitting in our jammies and watching Netflix all day. Or we’ve been working and we just can’t seem to catch a break as classes are set to resume in the next couple of weeks. Whatever your situation is, I hope you’re doing okay. But as I’ve talked with many of my friends, the feelings are sort of the same: nervousness, excitement, uncertainty, and just plain fear. So I wanted to give these tips in hopes that they’ll help to push you forward and keep you going once you get back into the swing of things—whether that be school or work or your other responsibilities—I want these tips to be things that can help ease your mind as I let you know, you’re not alone in these thoughts and here are some ways that can help. So let’s get into it! 1. Start slow. I don’t know about you but I was always the girl at the end of a summer break who had to finish her assignments three days before school started. I should have known I was setting myself up because since I never took the proper time to prepare before school, as soon as it did everything else was a steep incline. But given the state of our shaky mental health and constant ‘other’ worries, allow yourself to start slow this year. Plan two weeks ahead if you have to, if you can, but build up to the big things. We're always told at the beginning of the school year that we have to "get back" into our routine but now I’m suggesting that you build that routine from scratch. Figure out what works for you by leaving space for things to be moved around in your schedule until you can mentally handle it and also not be behind in your work. For example, last semester if you used to take your showers at night and do work in the morning but you realize you can get more work done the other way around, recognize that last year, your old schedule wasn't as productive and try something new. Or maybe you were doing all of your assignments one day at a time and always found yourself working and had very little time to rest and socialize. Recognize that so you can drop a club this year in order to make more time for school or dedicate an entire day to work so you have more time for other activities and yourself. But the worst thing would be to try and jump back into things full speed ahead and tackle things the same way we left them because it’s not possible and it’s not fair to ourselves. We’re changed, we’re also a little rusty, and that’s okay but we need to take the time to be patient with ourselves so that we don’t easily become overwhelmed and burnout before we’ve even begun. So start slow, build your schedule and routine simultaneously that way once things are running full speed you’ll be at the same pace and feel more comfortable with yourself because you took the time to relearn your old habits or create new ones. 2. Ask for help. When things become overwhelming it can be so easy to just try to figure it out for yourself. Everyone is going through their own thing, you don’t want to bother them, maybe you’re not even sure what questions to ask and that’s okay. Everything else may be attempting to go back to normal but everyone is also learning their routines just like you are and if you’re struggling don’t hesitate to ask those closest to you for help because maybe, they can actually help. Or maybe they can just provide the comfort in letting you know that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. See if you and your friends can work together such as studying over zoom calls or planning your classes together over the phone. Allow yourself to be supported by others and to stumble through this new online work/social life balance but also allow those closest to you to help you up when you fall and then you’ll be better prepared to do the same for them. But if you don’t ask, you’ll never know and no one likes a martyr who suffers in silence—not your friends who only want to be there to help you, not your advisors who are getting paid to help (that you’re technically paying) and not you who’s struggling without the help. 3. Which brings me to my next point which is to Check in. College especially can become very isolating when you and your friends run on different schedules and now maybe you don’t even live with some of your closest friends anymore. Adding to the new hybrid and online learning systems it may feel like a chore to have to reach out because you have so much on your plate, but it’s understandable. But what we need to recognize and take away from these months of isolation is that connecting with people no matter how you feel is so incredibly important for mental health and we need to take it seriously. So even if it feels like a chore, take five minutes out of your day to text a friend. Even if you don’t feel like talking, just say 'hey' to let them know you’re there and so you can feel the presence of being with someone. And if you are fortunate enough to be in a safe environment on campus with your friends, dedicate time in your day: five minutes, ten minutes, just to meet with them and say 'hey, how are you doing?' Just those simple check ins can mean a lot and can go a long way because the worst feeling is loneliness while alone but it’s even worse to think that nobody cares when really so many people do. But it can be hard to take those initial first steps, so make a mental reminder or have you and your friends take accountability for each other to reach out at least once. It doesn’t have to be with the same people everyday but just to say you had social interaction today—even if you’re home, you either FaceTimed someone, texted, waved to someone from your window--something because the last thing we need to do is isolate ourselves in our work too. 4. Take Breaks. Another thing quarantine has shown me is that our society needs to learn how to slowww downnn. And it sucks that it had to happen in this way but now that we’re trying to get back on our feet, I feel like it’d be counterproductive to go back to our old and admittedly bad habits. We were always on the go, we never had enough time and suddenly, that's all we had and we realized, was any of it really worth it? What really holds value in our lives: moving fast and filling it with so many things to do or taking time for family, friends and most importantly, yourself? Granted, sometimes life moves too fast for us to catch up. There’s always something for us to do but we never don't have enough time to take five, ten, fifteen minutes to close our eyes and breathe. Or take a nap or do something fun that makes us happy because our happiness is what should be sustaining us, not our obligations. So schedule your breaks, because those moments are going to be the times you'll need to regroup, recharge, reflect and that's just as important as your work. Pushing yourself to go past your work limit breaks down your mental health and right now all we want to do is try and build it back up, so let’s stay consistent with our self care and personal time because we need to make that just as much a part of our routine as we need to do our laundry. Disclaimer: Showers, painting your nails, five minute dance parties, naps, watching your 30 minute John Oliver episode all count as self care and breaks but it can also be something more regulated and less spontaneous such as dedicating time to your face care every night because it helps calm you down. It should always be something you look forward to that allows you to take a step away from everything and you have to commit to it fully in order for it to work. Even if you have to set a timer, make sure it gets done even if you have to go right back into work after. 5. Create Boundaries. We all want to be there for each other, and we all want to be as active and involved as possible because we’ve missed out on so much. I mean, nothing was actually happening but time has slipped away from us and we feel like we have to make up for months of boredom and isolation, which is completely valid but we also need to remember our boundaries. Mentally allowing too much in at once can get overwhelming (as odd as that might sound) and we may slack on our responsibilities later or suddenly be overcommitted to too many things and loose interest fast. Not to say you can’t change your mind but when it comes to close friendships and things you loved doing that are suddenly feeling more like a burden because you have to ‘make up all this time’ you’re not setting the boundaries within yourself to enjoy the thing but also step back and reflect on why these things are important to you and why they make you happy. So set boundaries by saying you’ll commit to your closest friends and your favorite clubs this year that way you don't overload your level or responsibilities but it's also within your right to switch clubs or make new friends or focus on your emotional growth and healing. Make the executive decision to say no to talking on the phone out if your social battery is running low because your friends will still be there tomorrow but cling to the moments that truly mean something because I know the world is still a scary place to be right now. But you don't have to run yourself dry in desperation to hold onto something you don't have any control over. Setting those boundaries again will help you to affirm who you want to be in your life through the things you chose to make a priority, but also define what roles you want to play outside of school commitments and helping to maintain that work/social balance. Physically, there is still a pandemic guys so let’s not take free liberties in hopping from room to room with no mask and no social distancing. Set the terms for what you want and will allow into your personal space and then stick to those rules. Whether that be one person at a time social distancing in your room or having two friends max with hand sanitizer at the door and the door open. But don’t let anyone tell you or convince you to let go of those boundaries that put your health and safety at risk. If they can’t follow your rules then you’ll need to either meet with them only in public spaces where they have no choice but to follow them or you may have to reevaluate ways in which you hang out with that person. You’re not being mean, but as much as you’re protecting yourself you’re protecting them too and everyone needs to take this seriously. Just because we’re starting back up again doesn’t mean that everything is normal, it’s not normal but it’s something we all have to learn how to work around and we all have to do our part in order to keep things operational or else we’ll go right back to the way we were three months ago. 6. And last but not least, Break things down. I talk about being overwhelmed and taking things slow but a part of that is also not letting your to-do list fill up with too much at once. It’s easy to say as soon as you get an assignment, 'do it' but that’s not always realistic. Though, it might be more realistic to dedicate a day to homework tasks and household chores throughout the week. Along with your breaks schedule time to fold your laundry if you forgot the last time or start an assignment that’s coming up that you could squeeze in before you have your online zoom club meeting but would probably make life easier if you just did it now. It’s all a part of being a responsible adult. Blah. Ew. I know, but sometimes you have to realize that you’re never going to want to do things but you have to. In order to look out for your future self, push yourself while your task list is still low, that way even if it piles up for the week it’s not piled up from last week too. And that’s the end of my list! I know it’s titled ‘how to find motivation’ but to be honest, I’m not sure if this list actually helps with that. I can confidently say that my motivation went on a hike in February and got lost in the mountains somewhere. So right now I’m scrambling to find her and bring her ass back but she don’t have cell service sooo. lmao. But my point is, to find it within yourself to ‘work hard’ and ‘be motivated’ isn’t as easy as flicking on and off a switch. The country has gone through a trauma and we’re still living through one right now but attempting to be ‘okay’ isn’t what’s going to help us get through this. Taking time to be patient with ourselves but staying vigilant in all things health and safety is the only way this can work. Our motivation will come from finding our routine and rediscovering ourselves within our old habits and learning how to work around the new disadvantages and limits within ourselves and the world. So don’t force anything if you don’t have to, stay true to the path that you’re on and even if you don’t know what that is yet, stay true to yourself so that when you find that path, your motivation is coming from a place of substance and not a fragile state of false sustenance. Love always, Arianna
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1/26/2020 0 Comments College 101: The TruthHI GUYS! Welcome back to the blog. I'm very excited for this post because I've waited soo long to finally talk about this and now...I think it's time. (P.S. Click on the photos to listen. ;) Pride is something that usually is a double edged sword. You either have too much of it (for yourself) or it’s an overwhelming, heartfelt emotion. But no matter on which spectrum you fall, at which time, I think pride deserves to be outwardly expressed even if it may come off a little conceited, and here’s why. When you accomplish something-even with help-you were the one who went through all the trials and tribulations; you thought you wouldn’t get there but somehow you rallied and pulled through-and I think you should allow yourself to feel that pride. No matter what it took for you to get there, or how long, at the end of this journey you accomplished something. I didn’t feel pride when I first got accepted into college. Now don’t get me wrong, I was excited, I was happy, I was relieved, maybe a little shocked but pride? No, for me it took me a long time to feel the pride of having done something to get into the school of my dreams. It’s not the direct fault of anyone but I had many different people who played so many different roles in my life, people that I value and respect, tell me that the path I was trying to take wasn’t going to be worth it; that there was a high possibility that it wouldn’t work, and to look at other options. Long story short, I was discouraged and it was so discouraging that when I actually accomplished my goal-I got into the school of my dreams!-I was still so worried and it took away this overwhelming feeling that I should have been reveling in: the same ones I’m telling you to revel in. College is a risky business to play. There’s the statistics and then there’s a lottery. You’re either exactly what they want or you’re not and it sounds harsh but it also has nothing to do with you even if you’ve put in the work. It may be that they don’t have that many slots to fill and you just barely made the cut. But the truth is, you never know when it comes to institutions, you just have to do everything you can and hope for the best. That being said, there are so many things that can be discouraging on its own aside from waiting anxiously for schools to get back to you, not to mention you’re still a full time high school student. However, try not to let all the pressure dissuade you not only from the process itself but from the possibilities of doing or being something great or from doing what you want to do just because of the stats. I wanted to give advice for high school students through the college process. I wanted to talk more about the SAT’s versus the ACTs (I liked the ACTs better by the way) and I wanted to talk about the pros and cons of going to a state school versus a city school; private institutions versus public; six hours away versus an hour and a half. I wanted to go into detail about the FAFSA process and CSS but...I realized that me writing a list of tips and tricks wasn’t going to help you if they all sounded like every other person who’s written advice on college. It also wasn't going to be easy or fun for me to 1. Remember everything that I went through in order to give you sound and solid advice and 2. Write things that even I’m not educated on. Instead, I wanted to share some of the personal aspects of the college process with you guys, knowing this is the best way you can get a feel for the experience and it’s the most real coming from me. The college process is daunting (or at least, that’s the way it was presented as for me). I wasn’t one of those kids in sixth grade planning to study nursing at Cornell. I didn’t even really decide my major until junior year and it was because I had to. (Luckily for me it didn’t take that long to guess my passion but still) college is all about planning and the future, two things I don’t like to do (I’m a “live in the moment kind of person, to be honest). But starting from my freshman year of high school, I was already being programmed to work hard so that I could get into a good college. Which, on one aspect, I appreciated because it taught me incredible work ethic and to value the skills I learned in school but on the other, it made college seem like the end all be all for life and success which created a ton of pressure and anxiety that I didn’t enjoy. College is a future plan that not many people know if they truly want to commit to but it’s “the only way to get anywhere successful” and we’re all striving for success, right? Eh. Maybe, but not always in that way. Not to mention, the type of school and the name are such bigger factors than they need to be but with the way our society is built, it’s equally as important. I didn’t choose a school that was as well known to the people working with me through the process. It was a shot in the dark, a private institution six hours away with a low acceptance rate...it was a risky business. I put all my cards into this school. I passed up opportunities to further myself in other applications, I traveled the distance numerous times just to push myself forward but only for this school. If things didn’t work out, I could have been left with nothing and that was scary for the people around me but for me, but I felt like this is what I wanted. This is what I needed in a college and I was going to get in. And I don’t say this with arrogance or even confidence but with as much determination as I could muster. (And I did. I got in!). But as much as I was pushing forward to make things happen, there were many voices nagging for me to look at other options or to perhaps take those same steps for my one school, towards the others as well. Now I just want to jump right in here and say that my mom has stood by every decision I’ve ever made and not naively at that. We discussed our options for hours, we weighed the pros and cons, we made a financial and life plan and at the end of the day she's the one who kept pulling me back from all those other voices, reminding me why I'm doing what I'm doing and that this is my life and I'm the only one who has to live it so it should be my choice. And it was, but it wasn't without her constant motivation and encouraging words. I also want to point out that the other people in my life who were also a part of this process were equally amazing. I recognize the roles they had to play and despite their outward concerns there has never been a time when I've needed something and haven't been able to sit down with them and they helped me get through it. This isn't me bashing their name or the responsibilities they had because I know all of their concerns were from a place of valid love and concern. However, the outward caution led me to have many doubts and insecurities throughout and after this process. Though, I look at that as a part of my journey that helped to keep me humble so I didn’t get too lost in the glamour and excitement of everything. It also helped me to look at the reality and responsibility of everything I was doing-It made me fully understand the outcome of my decisions if things didn’t go well-and I made that decision fully knowing what I was walking into and I appreciate that. Though, even after I got in I questioned whether or not I was doing the right thing. Was this the right decision for me? Should I have stayed closer to home? But I’m here now and… I walk past landmarks on my campus that first drew my head high, dropping my jaw with wonder and I just have to stop mid stride and say wow. I’m actually here and I’m living my dream. I didn’t listen to those voices around me but that didn’t mean they didn’t get to me. But I’m also a firm believer in what’s for you will come to you in due time. I also don’t want to say “don’t do what I did” because if you feel passionately about a school or anything in life really, no matter the risk, do it. But just understand the risk that you’re taking, accept that these are your decisions and that results will be from the impact of your actions. Win or lose, be prepared to be proud of the fact that at least you tried. (And it never hurts to have a backup plan, even if it’s a last resort). Maybe you were supposed to learn something from that journey. But don’t give in to the voices if they’re telling you to give up your dream completely. Just remember the reasons for why you’re doing this, picture yourself doing all these amazing things at this institution because it will eventually become your home for the next four years. Don’t lose sight of your goals but when you get to that finish line, push the voices out of your head because you did this. I did this-despite the naysayers. I worked hard to get here-despite how hard and how long it took me. It all paid off-despite all the odds against me. I deserve to feel pride in getting here, in now being here-and you deserve to feel pride after you’ve accomplished all the goals you’ve always wanted to achieve. I say this to you to let you know to keep going, to remind yourself of these things, and to perhaps use me as an example. Now, I’m not saying not to listen to those closest to you when they give you advice, especially through the college process. The people who help you are there to help you but so often people who have been in the business for a long time know the odds and focus on the numbers instead. The odds of doing things for you can either be either really high or really low but I also think you know yourself best and you have to make sure you make decisions that work best for you. Deep down I knew that this is what I wanted. This was the school for me and I worked my hardest to do everything I could to get in and I did.
Dreams do come true if they’re meant to be for you. But if you listen to everyone who whispers in your ear what they think, the things that come your way aren’t going to really be for you, it’s going to be from them. This is your life, live it the way you want to because you’re the only one living it and you deserve to be happy. Hell, you deserve to try and maybe fail and learn from that too and then gain something even better. The college process is long and tumultuous but in the end, if it’s what you want, it’s worth it. So, pride...allow yourself to feel it. Not just after you’ve gotten into college but after you get an A on that test or even a C when you thought you’d fail; feel pride when you graduate even if you didn’t get honors; feel pride for making your bed in the morning when you usually don’t. Allow yourself to feel pride because it’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes, it’s all you can feel to express the relief and gratitude at the end of a journey. Your accomplishments are your own, take pride in that. Until Next Time! With Love, Arianna News Alert! The SUNY apps are open! I just got the alert on Wednesday so I’m sorry if I’m a few days late but in spirit of college applications opening up, I have this post that will hopefully inspire for our last month of summer (aka freedom). And it’s a precollege edition, yay! So, these tips will be college based. I’m a rising senior and applying to college is my top priority right now, so I have gone through this list myself (mostly) or I’m going through it as you read this. If you have any other tips or suggestions, don’t hesitate to leave a comment down below. So, let’s get right into it.
1. Research colleges/visit- If you haven’t had the time or just didn’t know where you wanted to go to college, that’s fine! But if you’re not working, this is the perfect time to delve in and do your college research. Look up schools based on the criteria you have and are looking for in a college and then, if you can, try to visit the schools you have on your list. If you already have your list and haven’t had the opportunity to visit, see if you can go now that you have the time to do so. Visiting out of state schools can be tricky because they take time and money, but if you have the finances to visit out of state, ask your parents to make a week of it. Go visit your top out of state schools and call it a vacation. Road Trip! Or if you don’t have the time, just take the weekend off and drive. My best friend just took an entire weekend to drive up to Syracuse with her family and she loved it, if nothing more for the time she had on the road. It’s a great way to learn more about the college and get a personal feel of the campus, the students and see what your life could be like going there. If it’s the right fit for you, you’ll definitely know after a campus tour and information session. If you don’t have the money or your parents don’t have the time to travel to your far away schools, check out the ones you can visit locally. If your parents have a day off, ask if you can visit all of the schools closer to you. If you live in the city, like me, take the train or the bus to get around downtown and book all of your tours back to back (given travel time, of course) and make a day of it. I know for sure that colleges start tours at eight and they last about two hours so make sure you don’t plan to be in a rush that day. The latest they end are at three-probably starting around one thirty or two. And don’t worry if you can’t bring a parent, bring a friend or a sibling so you have someone to travel with. You always want to have someone there with you to give a second opinion because choosing a college is like buying a house. Input from your family and friends is important because they can give you a different perspective and tell you things you may not be aware of like, if the campus is too large or you don’t have a car in a college town and the nearest Walmart is twenty miles away. (Trust me, it’s a problem.) Then, after you’re done for the day, travel around the surrounding area. Maybe grab some lunch or sit in the park that’s nearby. If you’re in a city, you want to get the feel for the neighborhood and if you’re in a college town, talk with the locals and see where they like to go and then explore. I always loved taking campus visits because I always got to explore afterwards, so if you’re not working, try it! 2. Write essays- I know! So boring, so much work, so…stressful. But it’s definitely something we all should be thinking about starting, especially since August is already here and school is slowly sneaking up on us. (Summer went by so fast!) If you haven’t started your common app essay yet, I suggest you start that one first. They give you seven prompts to choose from and you only have to pick one to write about. There’s a 650-word limit, which seems like a lot, but it really isn’t, so make it count! It also allows you to apply to almost all colleges (but check to make sure) with only one essay which makes things easier. As for your other essays-scholarships, supplementals, etc.-get started on them! Every prompt is different and if you’re looking at scholarship essays, they have their deadlines. So, with the extra time on your hands, brainstorm and edit, that way you won’t have to scramble when it comes time to have everything done. 3. Do the Common App/FASFA- You always want to apply early for financial aid because that guarantees you more money! So, make sure that you find a convenient time to sit down with your parents and fill out all of your financial aid forms, while you have the time to ask them (and they have the time to do them.) They’re always busy and working but since you have more time on your hands, you can fill out the easy stuff (like your name) and when you know they’re relaxed and have the time to go into finances with you, work on it! Now may be the only time to do it if you haven’t started already. P.S. I haven’t done this part of the process yet for myself, so I’ll definitely let you know how the process goes and give you some tips if I have any. 4. Write/research scholarships- I think summertime was always the best time to research college scholarships. Yes, we hope for the most financial aid, and we’re going to take out all the grants we can get, and we hope our schools are generous with their funds but sometimes you need some extra help and we really don’t want to take out loans. So, the extra scholarships are here to save the day. If you haven’t started looking for reliable scholarship sites (beware of scams!) then I can definitely provide my list down below-if they say you have to pay to sign up, it’s a scam-but if you have a few good sites and haven’t started looking, now is the best time. Then, work on them so you can apply! If you’re like me and you prefer to apply for written scholarships, (essays), I can assure you that you’ll need some time to prepare. But don’t worry, I’m slowly (procrastinating) getting through it as well. We will (suffer) succeed together. 5. Relax- As a rising senior, I know how stressful it can be to prepare for college. Going through the process is a lot of work, but when you’re working or doing an internship I can only imagine how the pressure will increase. I’d love to get the extra work experience and certainly the money wouldn’t hurt but I’m also enjoying the time I have to be home because I know it won’t last. It’s giving me proper time to do the things I need to do and not feel overwhelmed (like homework and scholarship essays, etc.) and it’s also giving me more time to focus on blogging and to unwind. Junior year went by so fast, and it was amazing, but I’m glad it’s over. We deserve our time to take a break and relax but there’s a lot to still prepare for, so if you’re like me and not working this summer, take advantage of it. It may even benefit you in the end. I hope these five tips were helpful. A lot of this process is still new to me as well, but I only write about what I know and we’re getting through it together. It’s a new month but August will be gone before we know it (oh gosh, I don’t even want to think about school right now) and it’s time to buckle down. We don’t love it, but that’s life right? Stay tuned for more tips and more life updates because there’s plenty more to come. Until Next Time! With love, Arianna |
AuthorI'm an 21 year old girl who lives in NY. I love to read and write and fashion is my life. Follow me to find out more! Archives
January 2023
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